Okay, I need your help here, ladies.
I have stayed home with Jax since he came home from the NICU and have been working from home since October of last year. As I have said before, I have worked in many daycares, seen "too much", if you will, and definitely feel like me taking care of Jax is the best situation for our family and well, for my sanity.
It wasn't until the therapist came on Monday that I really gave a second thought to the amount of social interaction that Jax has with other kids his age. I have several "mom friends" with little ones around his age or older, and he loves to play with them, but it's definitely not an everyday thing. I used to babysit a little girl named Lillian, but since I'm not doing that anymore, his play time with other kids has become much more rare. The therapist asked if I have taken him to play groups and how often he's around other kids. I could just answer that he sees kids at church on Wednesday & Sunday and at the occasional playdate. I did go to several different play groups when he was younger with downtown Austin moms, but haven't been in a while. She gave me about 4 business cards of MDO {Mother's Day Out} programs & play groups in our area and encouraged me to check them out. After this weekend, I will definitely be looking into it.
This morning at my parents' house, I [& my dad helped too, lol] babysit my friend Sulem's little girl Lizzy. She was born about as premature as Jax, in the December before he was born, so their actual ages [and I guess their adjusted ages too] are fairly close. I thought it would be so fun to see them play together, and at times it was, but it was an eye opener for me. Lizzy is a 2nd child, with a 4 year old brother named Patrick. Needless to say, Lizzy knows the ropes when it comes to sharing, playing, being nice, etc. That was very evident today. My child? Not so much. It seemed like he was constantly taking toys from her and throwing an absolute temper tantrum if he didn't get it back. I guess for his age, it's fairly "normal" to not want to share, but I can't help but feel that he might be better versed in playing together with other children and sharing if I exposed him to other kids more often.
[This right here was one of the sweetest moments to me. When Lizzy first sat on Jax's rocket toy, he acted like he was going to throw {another} fit. It seemed like they had a chat about it and they decided that Jax would pull/push Lizzy around on it. {as you know, Jax LOVES pulling/dragging things around, haha!} and it was just adorable! I guess he CAN share...just maybe not all the time, lol.]
So, I'm making that my goal next week...to find ways for him to be around other kids more often.
Tell me, fellow stay-at-home and work-at-home moms...
What do YOU do to encourage social interaction?
MDO? Is that free? <<{probably a stupid question, I know, haha}
Play with neighbor kids?
Church?
What do you do [if anything] on the daily to encourage sharing, etc?
I think MDO would be something I'd be interested in [an hour or two of working in silence other than naptime? um, sign me up] but I don't want to pay a lot of money for it, because that would negate the financial benefit to me staying at home with him--no daycare expenses! I appreciate any & all feedback in this area! Thanks y'all!
24 comments:
I think social interaction is important. We had Cam in daycare two days this week, an at home daycare but I think we are leaning more tword a nanny who has a 2 yr old grand daughter. Our friends also have a daughter the same age as Cam and she would come too.
I want her to have interactions with other kids but I think the daycare has too many kids.
I joined a mommy and me group. It was $50 for the whole year, and has activities pretty much everyday except for Sundays. You can also find mommy groups on meetup.com.
Since Vegas like Texas is so hot, we try to do different things to keep cool. One of those is going to local storytime at the library. Its free, its fun, and its cool. I was worried K would kinda bully everyone, but he was good.
We go to playgroup once a week. I do every 'free' class I can. There are surpisingly a lot. You have to hunt them down, but once you get used to looking for them they are easy to find.
There is a gynastics place by us that has free baby gym tues and fri until they are 18 months (their way of getting mommies hooked)
Find out if you have a Family to Family program by you. They often have free classes.
I have to keep busy while Rob is gone, otherwise I get lost in my own space. SO it is just as much for me as it is for him.
Finally the best part about getting out to an activity? He naps sooo much better when we do!
HTHs
I wouldn't stress too much. Some kids are givers and some are takers. Kids also go through a really bad "mine" stage around two.
Wesley is only regularly around his kid uncles. We try doing the church nursery but half the time it makes him too upset.
I think social interaction is important, but I don't think it's limited to kids his age.
I invite other Moms from Church. So i have adult conversation and the little one can play. Neighbors with small kids too. I ask them if they want to have a play day.
For the sharing, i would not worry too much. My second child is 7 and still has problems sharing...LOL.
Great blog and i enjoyed reading your posts. Come follow me too.
XO
I'm glad that you decided to increase Jax social interaction. Every child needs more social interaction whether they are at home everyday of in a creche. It teach them valuable life lessons.
I think we worry way too much about this in our culture and I personally think Jax is too young to worry about it. I think that so long as he is interacting with other people several times a week - like at church and on the playdates you do go to - he is going to be fine.
My boys have very few playdates. We see my best friend and her kids may be once every other week. We don't drop our kids off at the nursery at church, but rather keep them with us. They will be homeschooled. But they have each other to learn about sharing and other concepts.
I honestly am not worried about it.
First, I am learning that some kids (regardless of older siblings) are simply more inclined to share... to play quietly... to be calm and collected... my son is simply not that way. Jackson would rather throw a ball, bang a drum, chase a dog, and have a tickle fest after "finding" someone. Don't get me wrong, he likes to have quiet time and read books, too, but he is a physical kid and I can't change that (nor would I want to). They are mini-adults with their own mini-personalities which are all different ;)
I'm sure you know this, but it doesn't hurt to remind yourself... which I do often, otherwise I end up leaving playdates feeling like my kid is a bully, when all he is doing is being a curious little boy. As long as there is no hitting/ biting/ throwing/ pinching/ shoving I try to consider it a success. I forget that they have no concept of personal space at that age, and that climbing over another baby is totally normal to them! Still, I try to lead by example ;)
Okay, wow. Can you tell I have a lot to say/feel about this topic?!
But yes, Mom's Day Out is something we have also talked about (my own mom did it and loved it!). However right now we:
- play with our nearby mommy/baby friend 2x a week in various settings
- are part of our city's Mom'sClub (www.momsclub.org for local chapters). Not only do they host their own activities and weekly play groups, but they keep you up to date on things going on in your city (i.e. library story times, field trips to the zoo, etc)
- once a week we try to go to a local Kids Concert in the Park
- during the school year we are part of a MOMs group at our church which meets 1 day a week.
- another day I work in the church childcare center and I get to bring Jackson with me
- Sunday services at church with childcare
- our local Parks and Rec offers great inexpensive classes (I'm sorry, but I think Gymboree is a rip-off)
- and we have been DYING to join the YMCA for all of their awesome classes, including swim lessons, and for their daycare for mommy while she works out, too!
Alright, I probably should have just emailed this list to you, but I know I enjoyed reading the above comments for ideas so I thought I would share!!
Good luck!
Give Jax a clobber for me ;)
Also, I agree with Janae. Interaction is not limited to children their own age.
I joined a Moms Group (momclub.org) to meet other moms and have frequent playdates with. That is what we do, personally, and it seems to work well for us. I will babysit a friends kid a few hours once a week and that is also a great socialization time for H.
its hard so good luck!!
Sundays of course are big for us since we are at church for 3 hours.
Then we have a gymboree class on tuesday. You can google it and see if they have one in your area.
Then THursdays we have G-kids which is a mommy and me type program through my church. And we usually try to fit in at least one playdate per week :)
Its not a lot but i feel that it works for us.
I researched MDO and it can be anywhere from 25-75 dollars a day depending on how long. That is just not in our budget for the time being but i hope you find something that works for you!
Alysha
I waited until my daughter 7mos and then I started sending her to The Goddard School 3 days a week. It was good because she could socialize with other kids and they really do work hard to teach them. Now she's 16mos and she just started going 5 days a week (my job is too demanding for me to WAHM anymore).
But, if I were a SAHM, our area does have free activities for the kids. The local ice cream shop does a weekly pajama party. The library has story time once a week. Our malls do Mom & Me activities once or twice a month. Check your local papers, I'm sure you'll find something!
Hi There.
I'm looking for your Friday-Follow post.
Have a great day!
I'm right with you. H has never been in a daycare. The only interaction he gets is from the occasional playdates we have. And same thing, I always think he is so behind other kids. I'm going to try and sign him up for a MDO this fall. I think it's like $10 a day.
okay, First off I think some of the moms that said their kids didn't need interaction and that they were going to be homeschooled and that they didn't drop them off in church nursery... yeah.. thats a very limited opinion. That is fine for that family, but coming from a childhood and behavior background, it isn't going to build the best social interactions. Children who tend to not get out much are socially awkward in situations... just saying.
I don't think you have to worry too much about Jax, because I think we are very social with him and you go to your parents and he sees lots of people, but maybe just finding a MDO group would be great! I take my girls 1 day a week here and it's nice to have 4 hours to myself, they learn that mommy drops them off but always comes back for them, they learn how to play with others and everything isn't "mine" and they learn how to listen to other adults not just their parents, so i think something like that would be great, plus... I GET TO RELAX for 4 hours and lunch with a friend or something like that.
I think people who advise you to not do anything with Jax and assume he will learn on his own how to be social.. are probably just saying that bc they themselves don't expose their children to things. Just a thought. I don't mean to be nasty, just my opinion.
Judging from how my niece has seriously blossomed in the past year of being in preschool, I would say social interaction is a VERY good thing.
Just my two cents :)
I had these same questions when our first, Bryce was about Jax's age! I put him in a Mother's Day Out 2 days a week for 3 hours each day and it was the best thing for him! It gave me time to go run a few errands and clean up a little and he loved the playtime! Now, the first couple of times I left him I felt like the bad Mom, because he cried! But it didn't take him too long to figure out that he was going to have fun and I was going to come back to get him! Of course, playdates are always fun because you get the adult conversation time also! You are a normal Mom having these thoughts & questions! :) And I always say 'follow your instincts'. Usually our Mommy instincts are pretty accurate, so if you feel he needs this interaction time, I say go for it! You are always welcome to come here and visit us- we have all the boys toys! ha
I feel like Sophia needs more social interaction. But I also think that things like sharing and stuff are always going to be different for a child who has siblings and a child who doesn't, regardless of how often they hang out with fiends. Play dates just aren't the same as constantly being around another kid.
I'm not much help, I'm still looking into things. It's just that a lot of the bigger groups that do things are like 40 minutes away. :-(
Hey there girl! I'm embarassed to admit I haven't had time to visit your blog in a while. First off, I'm totally impressed with your photos. You've improved SO SO Much since I visited last. Nice job!!!!! Jax is a cutie. Love his eyes. Reminds me of Andrew :)
Ok, from one preemie mom to another, we're in the same boat. We've only had andrew around one kid really. Since we have, he's been almost sick constantly and he hasn't gained weight. He struggles a lot with it. He'd never been sick previously. He hasn't been to church, he hasn't been to daycare, and is mostly at home alone.
I'm not sure if you're still concerned about the possiblity of Jax getting sick or not and that might influence my answer.
My first thing is that I think Jax WILL catch up socially at some point, regardless of how you handle this now. So, even if he wasn't around other kids much, I think that he will catch up. I don't think you are harming him, Yes, he may have a more difficult transition to school at first.
But, I do think it would be good to do what you can within reason! That's why we've had andrew around another kid his age a few times. It's so hard b/c he gets sick, but not during RSV season, I know it is good for him.
I may be SAH soon, and I'm going to look for opportunties for him to play with other kids who are at home (so who are likely not sick). I'll join some kind of mom's group hopefully, take him to library activities, stuff like that. now, even place like the grocery he interacts with strangers and never had that opporunity when he was locked in at home. We were at Subway and he was totally flirting with 2 ladies that walked in. You can tell he loves and is starting to really need/crave that interaction and is much happier when he gets it.
Good luck finding that balance! Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk :)
It's kathy marie 81 at gmail
I don't SAH but had a few ideas. Join a mom's group - my mom's group gets together for play dates (or baby association meetings as we call them.) Is there a children's museum nearby? The one by us is always a good time with new friends to play with. What about swimming lessons or other activities? Is it too hot to go to the park? There are always tons of babies at our neighborhood parks.
we hang out with about 4 other moms and their tots on a regular basis. Park, Pool, activities at the mall (train, play rooms), children's museum, or we go to each others houses.
We also have a babysitter we use (in her 40s) who has three adolescent kids who play with our son in a different way than a peer would which is cool!
Re: sharing. I think it's a combo of personality as well as just a stage all kids go through. I think exposure to different kiddos and modeling sharing is important. I'm sure you are doing an EXCELLENT job. Just focus on lots of rewarding for good behavior!
Becca, in response to the comment about my comment. I think my comment was misunderstood.
I do believe that socialization is necessary, but I don't believe that going out of your way to do it or spending a lot of money to do it is necessary. Children don't have to have structured activities with children their own ages in order to become fully functioning socialized adults.
Children can get socialization from older children (my 10 year old niece that I watch twice a week provides that for my children), from adults (family members and babysitters), and even from (gasp) their parents.
I think we have scared parents into thinking that if their kids aren't in 100 structured activities every week, they are going to turn into the Unibomber. Kids have a way of figuring things out on their own. As I mentioned in my comment, my kids don't have a lot of structured playtime with other kids their ages, but they interact with people of various ages throughout the week. Oddly enough, when my nearly 3 year old goes to the playground, he starts running, playing and sharing just as well as the other children that are in a daycare setting 5 days a week.
I just don't think we have to worry about it at this young of an age.
I don't SAH but had a few ideas. Join a mom's group - my mom's group gets together for play dates (or baby association meetings as we call them.) Is there a children's museum nearby? The one by us is always a good time with new friends to play with. What about swimming lessons or other activities? Is it too hot to go to the park? There are always tons of babies at our neighborhood parks.
I invite other Moms from Church. So i have adult conversation and the little one can play. Neighbors with small kids too. I ask them if they want to have a play day.
For the sharing, i would not worry too much. My second child is 7 and still has problems sharing...LOL.
Great blog and i enjoyed reading your posts. Come follow me too.
XO
Hey there girl! I'm embarassed to admit I haven't had time to visit your blog in a while. First off, I'm totally impressed with your photos. You've improved SO SO Much since I visited last. Nice job!!!!! Jax is a cutie. Love his eyes. Reminds me of Andrew :)
Ok, from one preemie mom to another, we're in the same boat. We've only had andrew around one kid really. Since we have, he's been almost sick constantly and he hasn't gained weight. He struggles a lot with it. He'd never been sick previously. He hasn't been to church, he hasn't been to daycare, and is mostly at home alone.
I'm not sure if you're still concerned about the possiblity of Jax getting sick or not and that might influence my answer.
My first thing is that I think Jax WILL catch up socially at some point, regardless of how you handle this now. So, even if he wasn't around other kids much, I think that he will catch up. I don't think you are harming him, Yes, he may have a more difficult transition to school at first.
But, I do think it would be good to do what you can within reason! That's why we've had andrew around another kid his age a few times. It's so hard b/c he gets sick, but not during RSV season, I know it is good for him.
I may be SAH soon, and I'm going to look for opportunties for him to play with other kids who are at home (so who are likely not sick). I'll join some kind of mom's group hopefully, take him to library activities, stuff like that. now, even place like the grocery he interacts with strangers and never had that opporunity when he was locked in at home. We were at Subway and he was totally flirting with 2 ladies that walked in. You can tell he loves and is starting to really need/crave that interaction and is much happier when he gets it.
Good luck finding that balance! Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk :)
It's kathy marie 81 at gmail
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